By | Matt Duczeminski
You’re probably asking yourself: “What’s so wrong with being comfortable?” While I agree there’s nothing wrong with being comfortable at times in your life (especially after a long day’s work), I want to focus on what happens when you become comfortable and stay comfortable — in your relationship.
As with everything else in life, too much comfort can be detrimental to your overall well-being. And when you’re too comfortable in your relationship, it could end up falling apart.
1. Comfort is indifference. Happiness is fulfilling.
Ever since you were little, you were probably inundated with the idea that when you find someone to be with you’ll end up living “happily ever after.” This notion of “happily ever after” makes it seem as if there’s nothing more to strive for after you’ve met the person of your dreams; you’ll just live out your days in complete comfort. In reality, getting into a routine will only breed indifference.
Happiness, on the other hand, means that each day is a new chance to explore your love for each other in some way, fulfilling each other’s wants and needs through new experiences that you share together.
2. Comfort is nonchalant. Happiness is exciting.
When you become comfortable with a person, you stop seeking out the exciting moments in life. Things become too casual, and, as mentioned before, routine. You go through the motions of your relationship — dates, dinners, picnics, family parties, etc. — but aren’t really happy about any of it.
On the other hand, when each of these moments creates an exciting memory to treasure for a lifetime, you know you’ve reached happiness within your relationship.
3. Comfort is ambivalence. Happiness is a surety.
So many of us stay in a relationship simply because it’s better than being alone. Obviously, that’s no way to live. It might be comforting knowing you have someone to come home to at night, but if that someone is just anyone, and then what’s the point? Being in love with the concept of being in love is not the same thing as being in love with a person (I’ll give you a second to reread that convoluted sentence, but trust me — it makes sense!).
When you’re truly happy in a relationship, you are absolutely certain that the person you’re with is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you’ll do everything in your power to keep them by your side.
4. Comfort is stagnant. Happiness is always growing.
Think of when you’re most physically comfortable. My guess is it has to do with sweatpants and a couch, right? But when lying there, you’re not doing anything to improve your life. It’s okay to stop and appreciate the moment every once in a while, but relationships need to constantly evolve for them to mean anything.
Whereas comfortable couples are content with “the way things are,” couples in happy relationships always look toward the future, thinking of engagement, marriage, children, and a life fully lived together.
5. Comfort is easy. Happiness is worthwhile.
Going back to the whole notion of “happily ever after,” we’ve unfortunately been conditioned to think that true love doesn’t take any effort once it’s achieved. Once you get the girl or find your prince, the rest of your life should supposedly be smooth sailing. Well, that’s not the case.
However, that’s not such a bad thing. When a relationship becomes too easy, it’s most likely because you’ve both stopped putting your all into it. You’ve become complacent, ambivalent, and stagnant. Growing together is hard work, and it should be.
The amount of effort you put into your relationship is what makes all the amazing things that come with it so incredible.